Happiness is a choice

A lesson from my master’s journey in happiness studies

As I mentioned to some of you, I started studying for my Master's in Happiness Studies at Centenary University under the leadership of Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. This program sparked my interest as I had my struggles with happiness throughout my corporate career.

I always thought that happiness was somewhere in the future, something that would come after the next promotion or great performance review. It felt like something I had to work for. But no matter how hard I labored; happiness never lasted. It came, but only for a few days or weeks. Then I was back to how it was before.

With a predisposition of someone who sees the glass half full and automatically looks for things that need fixing, I was in a career where my strengths met my passion. I enjoyed what I was doing and considered myself successful by traditional measures. Yet, I wasn’t happy. I marveled at my colleagues who, no matter how much work they had, how often project directions changed, or how often they got calls from their kids’ childcare, remained cheerful and laughed often.

What I learned in my happiness studies program was really unexpected. We all have a happiness set point. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, our happiness set point is predicated on our genetic makeup. It’s a personality feature, like weight. Some people can eat whatever they want and not gain weight, while others, like me, have to watch their diet closely to stay within their desired weight range. This innate set point is at 50%. Only 10% of our happiness is determined by our life circumstances, such as being rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy. The remaining 40% is determined by the choices we make, the perspectives we take, and how we take care of ourselves. This was determined through research on pairs of fraternal and identical twins who had the same level of happiness regardless of the lives they lived (2007).

The great news is that we have agency over the levels of happiness we experience in our lives. We can create it in the here and now. We don’t need to wait for happiness to come to us based on outside events. It’s about how we approach life itself and understanding what activities can increase our overall well-being.

For instance, many of us spend too much time sitting at a desk in front of a computer. We weren’t really made for that. Our ancestors moved around all day long. So, physical activity is something that most likely increases our well-being. You know this because you remember how much better you feel after a workout, if only you had the time. 

Here’s the great news again: we don’t need to leave the house at 5 a.m. and exhaust ourselves at the gym before we go to work, unless that’s what you love to do. If so, don’t stop!

For the rest of us, much smaller activities can contribute to our well-being. I have started doing guided breathing meditation and am amazed at the profound impact of proper breathing. These exercises take 10 minutes and you can do them anywhere. Deep breathing helps reduce stress; it’s like giving the diaphragm a workout. You can find many breathing exercises on YouTube. This is one tiny step you can explore to affect your well-being and level of happiness.

In future blogs, I will write more about small interventions that can have a tremendous impact on our happiness.

Stay tuned.

Notes:

Lyubormirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness: A new approach to getting the life you want. Penguin Group (USA), Inc.